Zoey And The Bee

Recently, I purchased some outdoor furniture (a wooden table and a bench) so I could enjoy some fresh air sunshine while I write since going outdoors during this pandemic is a no for me. At first everything was fine. I would sit on my back porch read/write. I even tried (and failed) to tan.

Occasionally, I would be interrupted, which is the norm for when I try to get work done. My husband, Trey, might ask me where something is or a spider would creep a little too close to my work area, and as a result I would end up inside and distracted by social media. These instances however pale in comparison to this aggressive carpenter bee.

At first, I thought me and the bees had an understanding. They would fly around me (not too close) mess with the flowers. That was all cool. Then, all of the sudden, one seemed really mad that I was outside. Like “how dare you sit out here.”

It kept getting in my personal space and I would get up until it left, but eventually I was forced to go inside because this bee would not leave me alone! I noticed that the bees kept hanging out all day near our fence and I was wondered why these suckers would not go home. So I turned to Google to find out why the bee was being so hostile towards me.

So I’m sure many of you have heard of carpenter ants, but carpenter bees might be something new. This type of bee likes wood and this was the reason it kept getting too close.

I already knew about this particular bee, but what I did not know, is that these destructive little shits drill holes in wood for shelter/to lay their eggs. So when I came back outside to find a pile of sawdust underneath my new bench I was like….

I flipped the bench over to investigate and out flies this HUGE bee right towards my face!

I scream and then flee to the safety of indoors. I peeked through the blinds and waited for the bee (lets call him Tyrone) to leave. When I finally got back outside to take a look, there was a perfect hole about the size of the tip of my thumb underneath the bench.

Y’all know I was pissed…but I didn’t have time to waste. I had to fix my new baby.

So, I google how to deal this problem, but I am concerned about how to remedy this issue WITHOUT hurting the Tyrone. In the mean time I covered the hole with DUCT tape until I could figure out what I needed to do.

When I came back, there was ANOTHER hole right next to the damn tape! TBH, now I’m ready to square up with Tyrone, but I try to remain calm. I decided to go inside and ask Trey to help me bring the bench indoors until I have a solution.

Tyrone was not having it! This bee did two or three flybys past Trey’s head in an attempt to save his home, but Trey (who had been interrupted during a game of Halo) was ducking and dodging like Muhammad Ali trying to get this bench inside without being stung.

When he finally got it inside, Tyrone stayed outside looking for his new crib for over an hour. Meanwhile, I ordered an outdoor sealant that according to some random I found on google would deter the bee from coming back. We kept the bench inside until I was able to refinish the bottom.

Today is the first day I have put the bench outside after it’s makeover. Now we wait and see if the bee will be back. To conclude, bees are rude AF and I hope there isn’t a part two to this story!

*Sings* You betta call TYROOOooone!! Tell him to leave me aloooooone.

(I’m sorry y’all I couldn’t resist. OK, I’m done.)

As always thanks for your support.

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